The experiences you have in life go a very long way toward determining what you believe about the world, other people, and yourself. All of your perceptions, beliefs, and reality are the basis for your experiences, leading you to take action that you hope will benefit you in some way. However, there are times when positive beliefs, and actions you take because of them, can become limiting, leading to negative consequences and creating or reinforcing further limiting beliefs.
Holding onto beliefs that no longer work
For some 15 years Gloria lived the life of her dreams; happily married with a good career, and building a family with her high school sweetheart, Jim. Suddenly though, it all fell apart as she discovered her knight in shining armor had been cheating on her and now wanted a divorce. Needless to say, she was devastated by the infidelity – but also by the challenge of having to start over.
As she began to rebuild her life, as well as those of her children, Gloria determined that she would also have to make some internal, as well as external, changes. She soon came to realize that many of the things she’d believed about “Life” were not true and, in order to protect herself from further emotional damage, she decided that she would avoid serious relationships “for a while”.
This decision made perfect sense of course, in the turmoil of the moment. By avoiding the distraction dating and relationships, Gloria was able to focus on the physical and emotional needs of her children, as well as refocusing on her career. She was also able to spend time rebuilding the emotional damage she’d endured from the betrayal of her husband, and the thought that she had somehow been at fault for it.
Eventually feeling that she’d made acceptable progress toward emotional stability, Gloria began to consider dating again. She quickly determined however that the distance she’d placed between herself and the idea of trying a new relationship was impossible to overcome. The emotional void in her life had become a place of comfort and stability for her and the thought of leaving that place of emotional was frightening and stressful. The very thought of meeting and committing to someone new became anathema to her, causing panic attacks and abject trepidation at the very thought of dating.
The new belief system that Gloria had used so well to protect herself in a time of emotional distress, her belief in the power of emotional distance, was no longer serving her needs.
As I explain in my new book, Blueprint for FATE, something that began as a positive way of coping turned into a negative life experience. The thoughts, feelings, and actions have been tailored to fit the experience that is a new, negative way of coping.
We should always be careful not to bring more negative experiences into our lives because of the methods we choose for coping. Don’t bring even more bad feelings, thoughts or actions towards yourself; rather, think of it as a way of coping that no longer works for you and is in need of change. And remember that you control your own feelings, actions, and thoughts, and how they create your experiences (your FATE).
If you would like to get professional help with meeting the challenge of overcoming limiting beliefs, please get in touch with me today.